19 November 2008

Welcome Carlitos Gillette

It's been a while. There were a couple of Ridden's windows knocked out and some graffiti tags on the west side of the building. Inside there was a pair of adult diapers and a full palette of indoor soccer balls. Also, bonobo feces and a Lance Crackers peanut butter-and-malt plastic wrapping.

Now this isn't about pointing fingers or asking anyone for money. But there needs to be a certain amount of recognition as to the level of commitment an operation like this entails. For just the price of a cup of coffee, a scone and a King-size Charleston Chew a day, you could finance both monkeys and typewriters via a low-risk annuity fund that in twenty years would produce more replica diplomas than you'd know what to do with.

Look, I'm not suggesting you run out and quit your job, leave your family and get subdermal gill vents. That's so 2012. What you want to do is draft a strongly worded letter wherein you politely suggest to your maker a physiological impossibility. I'm just saying.

Whoa, settle. The 80s references were fun but let's get real. Everyday's not sunshine and jerk chicken. Nor is it clacker balls and mentos...or even Wacky Wall Walkers. So screw your head on right and get your ass back in there! What you do with your elbows, kneecaps and phalangeal is your own business and not appropriate discourse in this forum.

1 comment:

revphil said...

Carlitos? shouldn't you be dodging traffic in Houston?